Unmarried Black women???

[ladyscorpio]

What are your thoughts on this ABC report on "successful,educated black women who cannot seemingly find a black mate with whom to get married?


http://www.youtube.com/watch/v/qWTXhHABj_A

[izayoi]

I didn't watch it. I think the media sensationalizing these things to make us further look defective. The idea that marriage = successful womanhood is debatable at best considering that the overall divorce rate in the US is almost 50%. Why is getting married so much more important than staying married?

Also, I cant cry a river for these ladies.

1) When you put your career first, something has to give 99% of the time. People aren't honest with themselves about that, but it's true.


2) They are limiting themselves to black men. If marriage is so important why not broaden your search and just be happy to find a man that loves and wants to marry you? I understand preference, but shit I'm not going to hold on to an ideal and end up alone. To me that's more of that "my way or the highway" entitled mentality that gets a lot of us in trouble.

There are many many good black men, but be real if you live in a state where black folks are few and far between or a place where there are many interracial couples you may have a hard time meeting that one "perfect" black dude. I'm not a fan of the CAC :hmm:, but you know what if you are really looking for LOVE then be open to LOVE and not what you think love has to look like. There are many other kinds of ethnic men out there if you don't want to do the white thing. EDIT: I watched this and saw the lady talking about the white dude lol. She should have been more assertive. White dudes have sloppy game.

3) Some of these women probably don't want to marry "down"...i.e. the brother with a steady job but not as much income as a doctor or lawyer. This is a woman thing NOT a black woman thing. Most woman really do value resource security in a relationship. Cross cultural studies have supported this time and time again. EDIT: LOL @ their lists and Steve Harvey trying to convince them to marry old men!

4) Being unmarried is not the same thing as being "single" unattached and lonely.Fulfillment in life comes in many forms. I think dwelling on this one institutionalized aspect is probably counter productive. Who wants to marry someone who is unfulfilled and unhappy? You attract what you are--sometimes that's good and sometimes that's terrible. :lol:

I'm saying this as a professional, unmarried woman. I'm not single (love ya Mr. Izzy- who is black and scrumptious yes he is) and I turned down proposals for marriage in the past because I simply was too young and not ready. I don't regret that at all. I likely would have ended up divorced. I REALLY enjoyed my freedom then, and I still do to a certain extent. I would love to get married one day, and have no doubt I will, but I think we stress over these things for the wrong reasons.

In this society, a bachelor is a playa, but a single woman is failure and that's crap.

[Cleopatra_J]

I love Izzy's post!! LIke she said, the term "unmarried" doesn't equal lonely and/or alone, its people in long term relationships, its people who are dating, and its people who are divorced.. marriage does NOT define your relationship.

i have seen this video make the internet rounds and I refuse to give it any time of day .. I did like a reply that Sister Toldja (http://cleosunshine.com/2010/01/05/remember-this/) wrote on her blog ..
I don't hear anyone acknowledging how centuries of oppression and a systematic destruction of the Black man, woman and child could render us unable to love one another . All I hear is Black women who are successful are lonely because they are surpassing their men in class, outnumber them regardless of class and may be too picky. All I hear are people who got all the nerve in the world for trying to fix someone else who are telling me what I am doing wrong with my life. I am not comfortable with short sighted arguments for a subject as life altering as my chances of ever being married and starting a family.

[izayoi]

I love Izzy's post!! LIke she said, the term "unmarried" doesn't equal lonely and/or alone, its people in long term relationships, its people who are dating, and its people who are divorced.. marriage does NOT define your relationship.


Absolutely Cleo! Those of us in our communities recognize it's not just married OR sitting around bitter and sad OR lesbian. They act like those are the only three categories a woman can fit herself in.:hmm:

Bravo to that block quote. That's why this irks me on a social/ political level. Why do we let those that have historically demonized our community now define it and discuss it? It's sensationalism. :smh:

[ladyscorpio]

Ok after watching the video what yall think of this male POV.....


http://ia341314.us.archive.org/2/items/MackLessonsRadioShow220/macklessons220.mp3

[izayoi]

Woo that man has an annoying voice! :lol:
BUT I was feeling a lot of what he was saying.
The divide and conquer routine is an old story.
I'm pretty disgusted at those of us (male and female) who continue to get on tv and play into their hands. If a woman thinks she has a "black girl curse" then that says some negative things about her self image.

I don't know why he felt the need to clown their appearances though. Also, "success" in yt terms usually does encapsulate education or education + money and not "ballin out of control."

I thought his assertion of the title being a diss was provocative. I always wonder how you deem anybody you don't know a success or not. Those terms are relative and subjective in any case.

[ladyscorpio]

Woo that man has an annoying voice! :lol:
BUT I was feeling a lot of what he was saying.
The divide and conquer routine is an old story.
I'm pretty disgusted at those of us (male and female) who continue to get on tv and play into their hands. If a woman thinks she has a "black girl curse" then that says some negative things about her self image.

I don't know why he felt the need to clown their appearances though. Also, "success" in yt terms usually does encapsulate education or education + money and not "ballin out of control."

I thought his assertion of the title being a diss was provocative. I always wonder how you deem anybody you don't know a success or not. Those terms are relative and subjective in any case.


See I too find his voice annoying and I lost interest after he said the bolded part. I mean if he wanted to be taken seriously he should have left that out. I guess I will have to go back and listen to the wholething